Hmmm..

He said, “If you are on an island, and you are going to spend your whole life on that island and there’s nothing on that island, ask yourself which girl you think you can live with for the rest of your life.”

Then I realised that when the Lord asked me that question that I was not looking for a ministry partner; I was looking for a life partner. Because back then, my  Pauline was not a public speaker. She’s gentle, quiet, elegant.

This bring things back into perspective. This really does.

Is it a sin to laugh?

Is it a sin to pretend nothing happened?

But here in front of the computer, my restrained countenance faces release. Gravity does the rest of the work.

She lets go.

I let go.

But why. What happened?

Why did she cry?

Why the tear-stained pillow?

Why the grubs of tissues?

Why did you cry?

It takes a conscious effort to not ask you this through an instant medium.

– Through the technology called phone.

Why?

Did I do something wrong

again?

I do not know. >.< :(:(

The Love Imperative is unavoidable… a necessity.

As an adjective, it’s a command — no — a demand. There are things the Love Imperative demands of this wonderous place that cannot be refused. There is just no such possibility. Love gets what it wants.

And it governs my life.

It commands things to happen in my life. Remember your father? Think about the best day you have had with him. It would have been beautiful. Every thing that you wanted he gave you. Holding hands, the both of you ate icecream while walking down the lane watching the world pass you by. That’s love being imperative. Everything else just takes a backseat.

Yeah, I’d like that.

But what happens when damage is dealt? When crisis… crisate? Where then is God’s favored principal?

I do not know.

But panicking would be a silly thing to do. Rest. Let God be God.

Beautifully written by E.W Kenyon, he wrote that “Love is God, unveiled. God is love.” It is God’s imperative to do as he likes in heart-winching, mind-funking crises. It is Love’s prerogative to do as He wants to in your life.

Rest. Seat easy. You’re Lover is forging your answer to life.

Your lover.

Not taker.

Of a Field

Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.”
– Genesis 27:22

This was the moment when Jacob went before Isaac to receive the first-born blessing. Pastor was reading this passage in one of his sermons when it struck me. There is no difference now when I come before Daddy. He hears my voice but feels the hands of Jesus. The hands pierced  by iron pegs. He blesses me on account of His first-born even when he recognises my voice.

I have always wondered about that. If Dad sees Jesus when he looks at me, where is my identity? How then can I be called special? It confused me .

But not anymore.

Papa knows my voice, He knows me on the most intimate level; and because He loves me, He reaches out to touch me, smell me — smelling Jesus.

And at the exact moment He smells Jesus, He blesses me.

… “Come here, my son, and kiss me.”

So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him…

– Genesis 27:26,27– Genesis 27:26,27

But unlike Isaac, Papa wants to bless me. He wants to give me every good thing.

Lord, give me.

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Remember

Remember that this blog is called “Hisdeformitywasbeautiful”.

Remember that it is a finished work.

Remember that this place is all about him.

Remember that by his word all things were made and without him nothing was made that was made.

Remember that all things work together for those who love him.

Remember that even when you are just so tired and cannot take a step forward anymore, he carries you as a father would carry his son.

Remember that when you are weak his Grace is made perfect is made perfect in your life.

Remember that he remembers the prayer you made, not just a month ago, a year ago, two years ago, but even five years ago.

Remember that he turned water into wine.

Remember that you are his beloved.

Remember that he is faithful even when those you love turn around and hurt you.

Remember that he is in you making you blameless.

Remember that his righteousness infects the leprosy and makes your life whole.

Remember that you are not here to write about anything else.

Remember that your readers are not stupid.

Remember to make them think.

Remember that when everything seem to be going wrong, when the devil is trying to make you react because chances are whatever you do will be wrong, he is still mightily in control.

Remember that you are in his perfect plan.

Remember that he holds you so tightly that no one can pluck you out of his hands.

Remember that his are not human hands and they are much bigger than yours.

Remember that as you are reading this, he is solving your problems.

Remember that you have given him everything. Everything. Everything that includes your pain, sicknesses, frustrations, stupidity, poverty, faithlessness, restlessness, curses, and fear.

Remember that you are remembered by him — nay — he is thinking about you. Now.

Remember that when you were in your room speaking those quiet, hurtful words, he heard them and wiped those tears away.

Remember that in your darkness, his mighty arms swooped down and rescued you.

Remember that he would do it all again if that is required of him.

Remember that he loves you.

Remember that always.

Somehow, all my favourite writings are the ones set in private visibility. Be it sad happy or crazy, they just mean so much to the writer and they, i suspect, will give any reader satisfaction. But i won’t be posting them because they have really effective polarising effect. It’s simply because I care for your feelings that is why I end up writing my best pieces and yet the most hurting ones. Ambiguous, huh. Well, clue: hurting, not hurtful.

Whatever, lah.

Push me to the brink. Pull me. Stretch me. Enlarge me. Crush me. Break me. Bring me to my limits – then carry me further. I am yours to use. Yours to break. Yours to mould. Empower me. Set me in places further, greater than where i am now. Higher. Better. I desire so much more. More, more of that powerful, aggressive love in my life. God of heaven, i give you all the honour. For you are worthy to be honoured. So honour sour Son that is in me. In me. Fill me. Intensify me. Sozo me with the love of your son that I may fulfill my destiny. I want to testify.

Get me a tumblr!

Blatant about Love.

“Your Father is there — always waiting.
Your Love is here — always pursuing.”

Papa,

I am in pain; the aching in my heart persists.

Am I not allowed solace in slumber? Shoutld that which besets my mind from dawn to eve bear its pinions deeper into the place of dreams?

Jesus,

You are my bread. You are my cistern.

Direct my heart and humors toward everlasting.

I’ve been dreaming about the same person 3 times in a row now. Each time, she takes on a bigger and bigger role in my dream. Coming closer to my mental self and yet having no interaction with me in the dreams. It began with  her name being mentioned in a dream prior to the past 3 nights and then her taking on a greater role each night.

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Good morning, Jesus. Here is the day that you have made specially for me. Everything about today is wonderful, beautiful. Lord, I am going through today, a second at at time, with you. You are always with me. You are constantly holding my hand, leading me. Thank You, Jesus.

I am precious.
I truly am
even if I don’t treat myself precious.

Faith is a living, daring
confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain
that a man can stake his life upon it
a thousand times.

“

“

Dear lovingfatherofthemosthighhavingallthingswithinhiscontrolkeepingmesafe,

What a week. It feels like some kind of valley that I have been walking through; mistakes started to surface, desires given up have come back, eyesight obscured, smoke in the lungs, and whatever else.

General words with specific meanings, I’m not saying much and yet am striving hard to say a lot more.

But every morning, your Word to me is renewed speaking life into me, showing hope, using people to remind me why I’m doing what I’m doing; and where I’m heading with this heading: You have chosen me.

I thank you, Jesus, for Ben. That guy never forgot what I told him last year in a slip of tongue of who I want to be. Every single time I talk to him, he slides it in! Ha. I see, a blind man cannot see but he can certainly hear. Again and again, you use him so mightily in my life. This child, too short to see too overwhelmed, can be dubbed blind in a metaphoric way.

But I’m not. At least, I can see your hand holding mine pressed against my face.

And for now, You’re not lifting me to sit on your shoulders to see the passing parade but You’re showing me people’s shoes and legs. You show me where they have been and what they have been doing. Something different, huh?

The Indonesian service was an eye opener. They say the same things about you in a refreshing new way, reminding me of what I have, who I’m in, and what my results are.  I am in You and because of this, I am protected from everything on the outside. My hands and lips have power and all that I do prospers. You remind me again and again about my priorities.

It hurts a lot when I forget the why behind the do. I’m doing this for Your Glory, as a worship. It’s not so much as a sacrifice than a rock-solid, sure-profit investment (I’m speaking in terms which my mind understands). I don’t want to bargain with you what I expect to earn during the harvest. I know, Jesus, that you are exceedingly, spectacularly good. What I think I want now is just a small itty-bitty fraction of what I am going to receive from you.

Ahhh It feels much better to write it all out to you.

I am righteous.

I am favored.

I am rich.

I prosper.

I am successful.

I am picked up when I fall.

You raise me up.

I am healthy.

I am not weak.

There can be no evil in my life.

You show me the reason for having a family.

I have a powerful family that works for Your Kingdom.

I am wise.

I am not puffed up.

You teach me humility.

You are my everything.

You are. I am.

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That Bit About The Rainbow

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Lester Sumrall: How is Smith Wigglesworth feeling today?

S W: I never ask Smith Wigglesworth how he feels; I tell him how he feels!

One sentence each from two men of God

Lester Sumrall: How is Smith Wigglesworth today?

S W: I never ask Smith Wigglesworth how he feels; I tell him how he feels!

My mornings are blessed.

They are full of His fresh favours, bountiful blessings.

Even when horrible thoughts bombard my mind and body, my Father’s word overwrites their lies.

A sprained back especially painful in the mornings is loosed and made even stronger than before.

The results of my decisions are blessed.

I have Your hedge of protection surrounding me blessing my decision.

Lord, I have given you everything.

Your Spirit within sozos my inner man.

I am able to be lead by holding your hand; too short to see what’s ahead; too small to shoulder the pain.

So here, I give it to you.

Take evey thing that I have and use it for Your Glory, my scars and bruises are nothing  compared to Yours. When I look at my own afflictions, I am reminded of how microscopic they are in the Grand Scheme that you have planned. You are more than capable to bless me infinitely — and you have.

So I want to stand for so much more.

To a reason and a purpose that will out last this generation. That said, I am weak and found wanting. That’s when Your Grace is made perfect, right? And therefore, I believe You.

merci beaucoup

Ah, I did not mention that the previous post a book,

The Name Of Jesus By Kenneth E. Hagin

A Prayer Heard

“Years later after I had entered full-time ministry, I was attending a convention being held in a large church when a pastor we all knew suffered a heart attack. The doctors told his wife he would never regain consciousness. she knew the convention was in progress, so she rushed out of the hospital room to a telephone and called us to pray.

Raymond T. Richey, a noted healing preacher, was there. They called him to the platform to lead in prayer. He said, “Let’s all lift our hands and pray for the healing of Brother S.”

We lifted our hands and prayed in Jesus’ Name that the man would live and not die. Two thousand of us prayed at once. The sound was tremendous. After a while, we began to quiet down, one by one, until all were quiet.

Brother Richey said, “How many of you believe God heard us?”

I lifted my hand. At least 90 percent of the crowd lifted their hands.

“Let’s lift our hands and praise God for the answer,” Richey said.

We all praised God a few moments for the man’s healing. Brother Richey walked off the platform. The song leader began leading a song.

Then Brother Richey — I will never forget it, because I was standing close by — suddenly whirled around the song leader and said something to him. The fellow stopped singing. Everyone stopped. Everyone was quiet.

Raymond T. Richey said, “How many of you are going to keep on praying for Brother S.?”

I didn’t raise my hand. I wasn’t going to pray anymore. I was going to praise God for the answer because I believe the Name of Jesus works. But I looked around, and I’m sure 90 percent of the crowd lifted their hands.

Brother Richey said, “What for? I thought you already believed God heard you?”

.

.......

I expected so much more, Lord.

Never mind that, I will expect more from you.
They cannot help but fail.

You cannot help but succeed.

.......

.

Stronger than Strong

When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe. But when someone stronger attacks and overcomes him, he takes away the armor in which the man trusted and divides up the spoils.”

Who is this strong man who guards his possessions?

What is this armor that he so readily trusts in?

E W Kenyon says:

‘So when Christ rose from the dead. He not only had the keys of death and of hell,  but he had the very armor in which Satan trusted.’

In which [the Accuser] trusted…

Do you see what He showed me?

The very armor Satan had is now in Jesus’ hands and he uses it to protect me — more widely known as the Law.

For Jesus did not come to the world to abolish the Law but to fulfill it. And when he has fulfilled all righteous requirements of the Law as my sin sacrifice and burnt offerings and more, the Law naturally protects me as saying ‘No. This man cannot be cursed and neither can he be afflicted with any diseases. He has has to be blessed. He has to be set apart and given special treatment. All on account of Jesus.”

That is the armor in which the devil so trusted but instead, it has become a blessing to me.

I am the one whom he divides the spoils with.

Hee concludeth that there is no condemnationa to them, who are grafted in Christ through his Spirit, however they be as yet burdened with sinnes; For they live through that Spirit, whose testimonies drives away all fear, and relieves our present miseries.

A footnote found in the Geneva Bible for Romans 8:1

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